“
Somewhere right now a guy is on a J-Date with Monica Lewinsky. Nobody’s perfect.
“
My love child tracked me down. I was scared, shocked, angry. Like a dog in a sidecar when it comes loose from the motorcycle.
| Frank: | Has anyone looked at this sexual harassment stuff they gave us? |
| Tracy: | I don't need to read it; the whole thing is loosely based on an evening I had with Isiah Thomas. |
| Jack: | Lemon, I want to thank you. For showing me that I could have a pleasant evening with a woman my age. |
| Liz: | I'm twelve years younger than you. |
| Jack: | A woman your age then. |
“
I can’t support that. Dam is a swear word. I’d support it if instead of dam we called it a ‘god finger’.
“
A book hasn’t caused me this much trouble since Where’s Waldo went to that barber pole factory.
| Frank: | Tracy, did you hear? Fred Dawkins, the incredibly overweight guy Pac-man was based off of died. |
| Tracy: | I will eat a bowl of cherries and some ghost meat in his honor. |
| Jack: | All of my summer replacement shows were big hits - America's Next Top Pirate, Are You Stronger Than A Dog, MILF Island. |
| Liz: | MILF Island? |
| Jack: | 25 super hot moms, 50 eighth grade boys, no rules. |
| Liz: | Oh yeah, didn't one of those women turn out to be a prostitute? |
| Jack: | That doesn't mean she's not a wonderful, caring MILF. |
“
It’s going to be a disaster! Like Katrina! Do you remember Katrina, that crazy girl from hair and make-up?
“
That’s what I’m talking about, empathy. It’s about as useless as the Winter Olympics .. This February on NBC.
